


The Rain Washes Me Thin

by Aaronlisa



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jossverse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faith lies to survive</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rain Washes Me Thin

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel belong to Joss Whedon and company. 
> 
> Prompts: Inspired by the_muses_stage's prompt of 7 lies you told 
> 
> Notes: Set post Season Seven, with very vague spoilers for the Season Eight comics.

Lies are second nature to her. They fall off of her tongue without any problems. It's always been easy to lie, to say _everything's fine, everything's five by five_. To lie and avoid the truth, that nothing's quite five by five and probably never has been. If it ever was, Faith can't recall a time when things were actually good. Maybe for a brief spell when Diana took her in and showed her that she was more than just a broken girl. 

 

She once lied to Buffy, told her that she didn't care that she had killed a man. She had told B that they were akin to gods, that they should take whatever they wanted. Even as the words were tumbling out of her mouth with arrogance, Faith had known the truth. It had almost killed her when she couldn't get the red of that man's blood off of her hands. She had felt a little like Lady MacBeth, scrubbing at her hands, trying to wash away an invisible speck of blood that marked her for a murderess. 

After that it was just a downward spiral. She had lied to Angel when she said that she didn't need to be saved. That she was okay with who she was. She desperately needed to be saved. The truth was simple enough. Faith needed to be saved, she just didn't think she was worthy of it. She had _killed_ someone. It didn't matter that it was an accident. That recklessness that Diana had always warned her about had cost Faith her destiny. How could she save anyone after she'd failed to do so? 

When she had woken up from her coma, she tried to live another lie. No words were spoken but every time B's friends had looked at her with love in their eyes, with hope and admiration and respect, her skin crawled. Why did Buffy get to have it all? In the end, she had tried to be Buffy but she'd failed at that too. It was just another lie.

She had lied to Angel when she was in prison. Faith has never felt that she was worthy of redemption. She's nothing more than a failure. Even now. 

The most honest, she's ever been was with Willow. Somehow the red-haired witch and her shakiness had caused Faith to open up. Well as much as Faith could ever open up. And then Caleb had come crashing into their life and that had stopped the sharing of confidences. Faith had thought it was probably for the best. She _lied_ to herself and said that if Willow even knew half of the things that went on in Faith's mind, well Willow would have probably kicked her out somewhere between LA and Sunnydale. 

After Sunnydale, after Robin was patched up and made whole again, except he was like the Tin Man and had somehow lost his heart between Sunnydale and Cleveland, Faith had lied and told him that she didn't need him. She had told him that she didn't need him anymore than he had needed her. They had been nothing but sex and flirtation, a way to feel alive when they were on the verge of dying. She had taken off, left him with a rag-tag group of baby Slayers and found herself a dump of a room to call home sweet home. And never once did she betray that her heart was shattering into a thousand little pieces. If Robin could be tough and strong, so could she. 

Things were supposed to be easier in Cleveland. She was the senior Slayer. She lied to herself and told her that the new Council respected her, that they trusted her, that she had proved her worth to B. She lied and lied, even when she saw the evidence of the truth. She had to lie to herself or elsewhere she'd go off the rails again. Faith didn't want to admit that no matter how hard she tried, the weight of many failures would always colour Buffy's perspective when it came to Faith. 

She lies when Robin comes to her door. His face is grim and determined. He asks her how she is, if she's up for taking on a particular nasty demon. She's heard about the newest Big Bad newly arrived in Cleveland. Apparently this demon makes Kakistos look like a softie. Faith smiles at him, her lips curving upwards with arrogance and confidence as she tells him it's all five by five and she can take this job on by herself. Is it a lie, if she doesn't tell him that she's terrified? Or is it just an omission, if she fails to tell him she's still fucking bleeding from an encounter with one of this demon's minions? It doesn't matter, if she just tells Robin what he wants to hear because he's terrified of taking his little Slayer brigade into this battle? 

Faith lies now not to hide her disgust with herself. Instead she lies to herself to try to survive. If Robin's terrified of taking his Slayers to meet this demon head on, Faith only says what he wants to hear because she knows she couldn't cope if one of those girls died trying to take on this demon. She shuts the door on his face, patches herself up the best she can and arms up for the battle. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's just redemption plain and simple, but in the end it's just another lie. 

 

((END))


End file.
